Want Drama? Look to Family

Good morning, afternoon, evening, whatever.... It has been a while since i have visited this confessional information superhighway. In the last 3 weeks I have seen much and discovered much about family and about myself. Just about relationships in general. After spending much time in intimate conversations and interaction with family and friends, I have learned that some things do not change over time. Well some do and some don't. Like, you can have a great friendship with someone (specifically of the opposite sex) and it can go great for a while, and the moment you realize that you might actually be falling for this person, things get really weird, like in my case with a friend from church.... As for family, I have learned that one of the main reasons why I joined the Marine Corps 4-1/2 yrs ago was to get away from my family. Not to say that I was perfect and the rest of my family was all fucked up, but I pretty much needed to get away, and I had the opportunity to do so in the military. I thought that, given time and space, things would be better between my family and I, so to speak....

After spending over 4 yrs away, I had the opportunity to see my mom and other siblings together for the first time, and I have found that nothing has changed between anyone. Most of the drama and everything that was wrong with my family when I left was still there. I feel so shitty after I found myself being sucked into the drama and reacting in such a way that I would have 4-1/2 yrs ago.... All it does is remind me of how they are still wrapped up in drama and subjecting themselves to the immaturity; in which that same immaturity that rubs off on me, and then I find myself responding in the same hurtful manner I remember so well 4 yrs ago. It's bad enough that my dad has allowed his new wife to sabatoge his relationship with all of his kids, including me..... I dont know why but the past sins, and the pain resulting from those sins and mistakes still haunt me sometimes, and it makes me feel like a rotten piece of shit, even where I am at today in my life. I think that we all have points in our lives that we put behind us due to some unspoken pain or trials, and these bad memories often bring out old qualities (ones we'd rather just forget), if we are forced to remember them, or are confronted and challenged to reflect on these past memories.... at one point I told myself I wanted nothing to do with my family and that they meant nothing to me because of the drama. But it isn't what I really want in life. Because the underlying truth here, is that no matter what happens to you, amidst the good times and bad, pains and sorrows to come, all you can really count on is family....



.........A broken Marine